A Look In Your Eyes

Looking into your eyes melts my resolve like,
a glistening piece of Spam.
Spam the reject of all...... Hero of none.
Those pieces of cow-
pig, dog, horse, maybe even rat.
smashed, bashed, thrice diced, liquefied, and congealed.
That pinkish, chunky cube, and the way it resists leaving the can.
You can't say no to Spam.
The slurping of victory as Gravity prevails- and the Spam slips from that tiny, tin can. Gravity always prevails.
Fried Spam, Boiled Spam, Oven Roasted Spam, Honey-Glazed Spam, Curried Spam, Pickled Spam, and just plain old Spam from the can.
Yes, Spam...
Hero of none, rejected by more than some.
Nothing like a nice, big, juicy piece of Spam

Light The Way

I close my eyes. Close your eyes too.
I can see it again.
Someone this close is not supposed to be like that.
Trust? How?
Tau lotu, you can pray too. It might help.
Light my sky, like mana fetu'u. Light it like it should be.
Maybe this is why. Every damn time.
I close my eyes, hoping to see a way.
fie'ilo. fie'ilo. fie'ilo.
Close your eyes, help me find the way.

Living Death

The title of James Joyce's story, "The Dead"(DiYanni,584-610) seems misleading. There are no gruesome murders, or any morbid images. But the truth in this story is more grotesque than any horror story scenario could possibly be. The is a story about the living dead. No not zombies. Joyce's story explores the death of imagination, dreaming, and zeal for living, caused by societies bondage.

As an individual ages their imagination grows old and dies. For most people their imagination dies before their bodies. This is seen in Joyce's story through Gabriel's aunts. As one said in her toast at the dinner party, "A new generation is growing up in our midst, a generation actuated by new ideas and new principles. It is serious and enthusiastic for these new ideas and its enthusiasm, even when it is misdirected, is, I believe, in the main sincere. But we are living in a skeptical and, if I may use the phrase, a thought tormented age. "(599). Ideas are always changing. The tendency is to assume an idea that is not yours is wrong. The beauty of the imagination is that it constantly grows and explores. But as we become immersed in society and its rules, our imagination is put in a box. In that box imagination shrinks and dies, like a wrinkly old woman.

We do not kill our own dreams; they are killed by the people we are surrounded by. It is their ideas of right and wrong, possible and impossible that make or break us. When a person dreams they become excited. This excitement permeates their life. So much of life is about your attitude. If you believe, anything is possible. But society layers us with unbelief. This embitters believers. Bitterness slowly poisons dreams until they die. The caretakers daughter epitomizes this form of death. This excerpt portrays her bitterness, "-Tell me, Liley, he said in a friendly tone, do you still go to school? -No, sir, she answered. I'm done schooling this year and more. -O, then, said Gabriel gaily, I suppose we'll be going to your wedding one of these fine days with your young man, eh? The girl glanced back at him over her shoulder and said with great bitterness: -The men that is now is only all palaver and what they can get out of you." (585). Circumstances have embittered her towards life. This bitterness, this skepticism, has murdered her dreams.
Death is generally a very sad, depressing topic. So everything that seems light and full of life would be the antagonist of death. The setting of this story is a dinner party. These parties are supposed to be full of light, laughing, and happiness. This particular dinner party is none of those. There is an underlying tension rippling from the beginning when the caretakers daughter shows in the guests. Gabriel emits a sense of anger and frustration towards life, throughout the party. Mr. Browne seems to be trying to drown his regrets with alcohol. The one lady leaves early because Gabriel offends her. The actual dinner is dry and formal. The toasting leaves a feeling of melancholy. "The coffin, said Mary Jane, is to remind them of their last end."(598). This is not a party. This is a funeral.
Decomposing bodies make great fertilizer. But what does decomposing spirit make? When the spirit slowly decomposes, it emits a sense of hopelessness, a sense of stagnation. The grass on the other side is always greener. This concept seems to be the same with people. It is always easier to say that somebody else has it made. With this thought comes stagnation. Focus turns from what we can change, to what is wrong. "He would fail them just as he had failed the girl in the pantry. He had taken up a wrong tone. His whole speech was a mistake from first to last, an utter failure."(586). This starts a downward spiral. The lower you spiral the closer you come to spiritual death. The only cure for this wallowing mess of a stagnant spirit is to find hope.
The death of hope, is the death of all. Nearing the end of the story Gabriel has a brief glimpse at this hope. He believes that he could have true love with his wife. For a moment he is rejuvenated and excited. At this point Joyce introduces Michael Furey. The story of Michael Furey emphasizes the fact that Gabriel is alive but he doesn't live. Furey was truly the only person in this story to live. He loved and acted upon that love. Regrets are made by inaction. Michael Furey died, but he died living life. He died without regrets. Gabriel and the others are alive, but when it comes to actually living life, they are dead. "His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead."(610).

Like the characters in this story we are bound by society. Day by day we are growing more and more dependent upon societies boundaries. But if we live too much by society we will not be living at all. Joyce shows us this danger. Life is meant to live, and sometimes we just need to make our own rules. The key to living is understanding society, but abiding by your inner self.

Work Cited

Joyce, James. “The Dead”. Literature reading fiction, poetry, and drama. Robert DiYanni McGraw Hill 2007. 584-610. Print

Ambitious Living

There are two ways to dream. One way is while you sleep. The other is a way of designating a wishful life goal. Both forms of dreaming supplement hope and rejuvenate the spirit and body. In Theodore Roethke's poem, "The Waking" (DiYanni 838) he explores the intertwining nature of these connotations of dreaming. Using metaphors, syntax, and diction, Roethke successfully simulates the experience of a dream.

Dreams are rarely clear and concise; more often they are foggy, unclear images, with brief moments of clarity. With the use of diction like “wake to sleep,” “those close beside me,” and “This shaking keeps me steady”(1,7,16) Roethke intertwines the two forms of dreaming. The effectiveness of these phrases is apparent. By using words and phrases that have multiple connotations it befuddles the reader, but also gives brief moments of clarity. This is important to the overall metaphor of the poem.

There are two words that really direct the purpose of the poem: waking and going. These words are transition words. With waking you are becoming aware, or growing in awareness. Going indicates that you are moving towards something. Clearly waking indicates the growing awareness of a goal and going indicates traveling upon the path towards that goal. These words are used over and over again. Almost as if the author keeps reiterating that dreams never stay the same; they are always in constant movement.

“Of those so close beside me, Which are you?”(7). The part of this line that catches my attention is the question, "Which are you?"(7). This clearly refers to another individual. To this point the voice of the poem is a soliloquy. This line is implemented for two purposes. When we dream we often fleet about: image to image. Rarely ever is there a conjunction between images. This line represents that jump. The other signifying factor in the line is the dependence of a goal on the world. As human beings we seek social acceptance. Usually our goals start out very personal and intimate. Eventually as they grow into a substantial entity, we can't keep them intimate. They bubble forth. This is when we seek the acceptance and support of those around us. It seems like every time somebody speaks of their goals, people respond in one of two ways: Face reality, you will never accomplish that. Or, that's so great, go get them, you can do anything. The question "Which are you?"(7) is asking whether the individual suddenly being addressed, as well as the audience, is a pessimist or optimist.

Death's metaphor awaits.“Great nature has another thing to do To me and you;” (13-14).This stanza reminds me that death is lurking. It is a natural part of life. It is an essential part of nature. “so take the lively air, And, lovely, learn by going where to go.”(15-16). Death is coming, it is the Great Nature's (13) plan for us. Live life while we have it. Don't wait to pursue your dreams. Go. Go now and live life. That is the purpose of this stanza. I heard once that all great poems either have the subject of death, or of love and life. Most of this poem is about life. In this one stanza the focus shifts. The shift is a warning. Dreams are meant for living. If we stagnate and don't dream we aren't really living. The author seems to say, death is on the way, so live your life ambitiously.

The first line in the last stanza is interesting. How can shaking keep someone steady? (16). My spirit is a wanderer. Complacency is my enemy. If life stagnates I get physically sick. The shaking, or change, in my life keeps me steady, keeps me healthy, keeps me interested. In many ways the whole purpose of a goal or a dream is to find change. By using the line "This shaking keeps me steady." Roethke is saying that the purpose of life is to have experiences. Throughout life we have experiences. Some are good some are bad. No matter how hard we try we will never be free from the consequences. But these consequences are the teaching principles in life. Without them there would be no growth. In order to achieve our goals, our dreams, we have to shake it up. We “learn by going where to go” (15).

“We think by feeling.” (4). This is true. Physically and metaphysically. The basic human has five senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell. These senses help us evaluate and learn from our surroundings. Without one of the five the way we evaluate life would drastically change. How do you feel? A common question. Let me think about it. A common answer. When I think about how I feel I close my eyes and focus. Somewhere deep inside of me the answer resides. I'm trying to pull it to the surface. A tingle in my toes, warmth from my bosom, an ache in my chest. Consider the entity that makes up you. Close your eyes, focus, and listen. Listen to the quivering molecules, listen to the humming of your spirit. This is you. “I hear my being dance from ear to ear.” (5). When we are happy and satisfied with life, our being dances a vibrant tune; a dance that eclipses our whole entity. When we dream we unleash our subconscious, we unleash ourselves. As I concentrate I align these feelings and to come to a conclusion; I am happy when I have a dream.

Roethke is a magician. Using everyday words he creates a piece of art that intertwines and explores an intense, complicated subject. Why is it important to dream and set goals? Because we learn from the adventure. "I learn by going where I have to go" (19). Without dreams, life is an empty shell. The metaphors, diction, and analogies Roethke uses truly delve into the depths of the human spirit. I congratulate him on an exquisite piece. And I find myself dreaming.

Citations:

Roethke, Theodore. "The Waking". Literature reading fiction, poetry, and drama. Robert DiYanni McGraw Hill 2007. 838-839. Print

Knocking With The Wind

The way they connect, leaves me breathless. Together they form a thought, or an idea. This idea flickers across my conscious: whispering to my blood. To take a step, just one step, would set me on a path. Towards what? Oblivion is obviously staying here. So that step that started with a whisper, created from a thought, leads somewhere I must go. The cliche would be to say, "I must find myself". In a sense this is false; I know who I am. Why does this whisper speak to my desire? I need this to satisfy my curiosity. I might bend, maybe even break. Maybe, hopefully I will stand tall with a spark of spirit in my eye. I need this, not to find myself: to define myself. All of this started with one simple thought; instigated by intertwining, smoothly justifying, obnoxiously satisfying: words.

Breathless, but to No Avail

A few months ago I had a night that left me breathless. It started out like most Friday nights: met Taylor, went to campus to find girls, failed, went to a free concert. So there we are just the two of us at a free concert. At that moment I had no idea what type of a night it would become. I had no idea that by the end of the night I would have 4 exciting moments. Moments that stole my breath, and left my feet dangling somewhere above my head.

Moment 1:
She was on stage. Like usual I joked about talking to her and getting a number. Eventually she finished singing and stepped down to mingle with the crowd. This was my chance, she was walking right by me. As she passed within a foot of my personage I stood like a stone sculpture. Missed my chance. My gut was tied into a square knot. Sometimes I wish I would just forget all the other guys around and make a move. But I was chicken. So I stood around waiting for the next band. Meanwhile my self confidence was slowing molding. Looking to my left I saw her about fifty feet away. I couldn't take it. "I"m doing it" I told Taylor. I walked over and introduced myself.
"Hi you were great tonight" I said awkwardly.
"Thanks, what was your name?" she replied.
"My name is Zac. Do you think I could get your number" I asked. Making an awkward situation more awkward.
"Ya, do you have a pen?" she asked.
"No, but...."
"Here's my bands business card, There's a number on there".
"Thanks" I said, and walked away.
Yep thats story 1. Awkward, and hardly successful. At least I wasn't completely shut down.

Moment 2:
We were still at the concert. I was experiencing that exultation that follows putting yourself on the line. Its kind of a giddy exultation. The current band announced that the next song would be a great song to hold someones hand during. Taylor stuck his hand out to a girl, but she rudely ignored it. I rudely laughed. Then I saw a good looking brunette just a few feet away. Letting my giddiness get the better of me I said, "Watch this". I shouldered my way through this girls friends and got her attention. I stuck out my hand and said, "The band said we should hold hands". Surprisingly she consented. For a whole song I held this girls hand.

Moment 3:
Isn't much of a story. I thought I saw Rachel. You know the Rachel that danced with fire in her eyes (see earlier post). But she disappeared before I could make sure, or get her number.

Moment 4:
So the night was waning. The concert ended, we went looking for a party, didn't find one. Went to visit a friend, she wasn't home. Eventually we settled on getting drinks at Spark (a restaurant lounge). It didn't take long before we noticed the singing Rachel was there with her friends. I weighed the options. Before I had made a fool of myself. I'd been ultra awkward. But this was my chance to make up for it. I could send her a drink, but that was cliche. I could take her a pen, but then I risked repeating my earlier mistakes. With advice from Taylor I made a decision. I borrowed a pen from our waiter, and wrote the on the back of her bands business card, Rachel # ?. Then I had the waiter take it over to her. As he pointed me out to her I waved. She sent her number over with a friend. Apparently she was too embarrassed to face me. In retrospect I should've know that as a bad sign. She never answered when I called.