Clarification of the Relational Decimal System

According to my sources a few of you are confused about the system and its purpose. The Relational Decimal System was created for one reason only. This system should be used only for a tally of girlfriends/boyfriends. It should not be used as an indicator of whom you are dating. Just because somebody winks back doesn't mean you are dating. In other words, the system has no connection to individuals, instead its soul focus is the overall amount of girlfriends/boyfriends. Hopefully that cleared up many of your concerns. If you need more information feel free to leave a comment.

ps. Seeing as I created the Relational Decimal System I and I alone have the authority to add or subtract categories from the system.

Bestowal of the Relational Decimal System

Recently I've been stuck in a quandary. In the last few weeks I have been asked how many girlfriends I have had throughout my life. The quandary comes from people not understanding my response. For example, at one point I have said 1.5 girlfriends. I say this because I've created a system that figures out precisely how many girlfriends/boyfriends an individual has had or currently has.

If there is physical contact such as hand holding, kissing etc. more than once without commitment, 0.5
If you have physical contact with emotional and verbal understandings, 1.0.
If there is an excess of over two hundred jokes about you hooking up, 0.25.
If they hold your hand once it depends on the type of hold*
-caress, 0.03
-interlocked, 0.02
-cupped, 0.01
If it is one kiss it depends on the type of kiss and how well you know the person.
-close friend make out session, 0.35
-close friend passionate kiss, 0.25
-close friend peck, 0.14
-acquaintance make out session, 0.20
-acquaintance passionate kiss, 0.16
-acquaintance peck, 0.10
-unknown victim make out session, 0.10
-unknown victim passionate kiss, 0.15
-unknown victim peck, 0.05
If you wink it depends on the individuals response*
-if they wink back, 0.01
-if they wink back and lick their lips, 0.02
- if they purr back, 0.10
If you put your arm around an individual it depends on their response*
-if they shudder and elbow you in the gut, -0.05
-if they tell you no, 0.0
-if they let you rest it on them, 0.05

In the future I will continue to answer the above stated question using my system. I'd appreciate it if people would know what I mean when I say 1.5 etc. Thank you and have a good day.

*(these actions could count as relational jokes which corresponds and counts toward a girlfriend/boyfriend)

Treasure Hunting

Have you ever wanted to become a treasure hunter? I have. The very first step to becoming a treasure hunter is figuring out what kind of treasure hunter to become.

There are the metal detector hunters. They walk around parks, playgrounds, and beaches decked out in their gear. Often times they are mistaken for a crazy person. If you get caught hovering above something that sets off that irritating beeping sound, you better watch out. My advice to anyone who interacts with one of these hunters is to not stand in their way. For some reason they don't like it when you follow them around and dig up the treasure they locate.

There are the archeological treasure hunters. These guys aren't in it for the money as much as the fame. They want to be credited with finding lost civilizations. I'm not sure why anyone would want the fame from that. If they are really lucky their name might be written in a book, but that is about the extent of their fame.

There are the Indiana Jones treasure hunters. Very few of these people exist. Many people dream of travelling around the world finding items that could have a profound impact on mankind (like a precious ring from Lord of the Rings or the Holy Grail). The biggest problem with these treasure hunters is the life expectancy. Unfortunately not very many of these treasure hunters are as humble as Indiana.

Some of my favorite treasure hunters are Pirates. Riding the high seas capturing vessels of importance and robbing them blind. Oh how my heart yearns for a pirate adventure. But like Indiana Jones hunters, Pirates have a very low life expectancy. It has something to do with international law and being hung. Not a very pleasant end if you ask me.

Recently I had a few friends point out this last category of treasure hunter. These are the people that treasure experience. These experiences come from relationships with other people. In the last couple of years I've become part of a select group of people. They are known by many names. A few of which are, but not limited too: Provo Pirates, Provo runners, weirdos, brothers, us, or as I usually call them; my friends. They have unlocked an abundance of treasure chests for me. Many people are confused by our antics. Every once in a while we all dress up like Pirates because we can. I can think of four of them that currently are devoting their lives to God for the next two years of their lives. I can think of several others that have already done that. We definitely aren't the typical young men. But it has been through my friendship with these guys that I've realized the truth about treasure. The greatest treasure I have ever found is the bond I share with them. Hopefully this type of treasure hunter is the one you choose to become. All the other treasure in the world can and probably will be stolen (hopefully by me), but nobody can ever take away the experiences you have with friends and family throughout life. I dare to say that these treasures are the only treasures truly worth the effort it takes to find them.

Hopefully I have enlightened you on the subject of treasure hunters. If I didn't address your preferred type of treasure hunter please leave a comment informing me of their attributes and downfalls.

Cheers.

The unachievable

So I achieved something that nobody I know has ever achieved before. I've been kicked off of Facebook for adding too many friends in one day. It is pretty ironic and hilarious. I decided I needed to look up the terms of use on Facebook. The only reason I could find that I may have had my account terminated is this:
you agree not to use the Service or the Site in any unlawful manner or in any other manner that could damage, disable, overburden or impair the Site;

Seeing as I didn't use Facebook for anything illegal I believe they thought I might damage, disable, or overburden the site. I'm free from the chains of Facebook because Facebook decided I was a danger to their site.

My acceptance speech:

First I would like to thank my friends and family. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't be the individual I am today. I would also like to thank all my Facebook friends or potential Facebook friends. If it wasn't for your beaming profiles I would never have been tempted to add so many of you. Last but not least I'd like to thank Facebook. I couldn't have achieved the unachievable If it wasn't for the ridiculousness of your rules and regulations and the whole Facebook system.
Thank you all for your love and support. Rock on World!!!

Addiction

Adieu Adieu, For I am lacking you.
Oh so creamy white!
You're wetting my appetite.

Away I'll steal, for a drop of heavenly dew.
Kai po, they'll cry.
But you're so magnificent to my eye.

Adieu Adieu, They refuse to let me at you.

My Neverland

When most people think of Neverland they think of Peter Pans Neverland.
But every individual has their own Neverland, whether they realize it or not. Neverland is a place of dreaming and imagination. It is a place safe from the increasingly chaotic world.
Peter felt a need for something in his Neverland, something that Wendy had and he didn't. That is why he invited her to come with him to Neverland. He enticed her with clever words; words that made Wendy feel a longing that in turn led to her departure from London. But Peter didn't realize the profound affect that Wendy would have on his Neverland.
Wendy was a practical person. She was logically sound and very dependable. In a way she was a practical magician. She understood Peter in ways even he couldn’t comprehend. She changed Peter without Peter ever realizing that he was changing. In the end she left Peter, but she left him changed.
The lost boys were constant companions for Peter. They offered him a sense of belonging. Peter knew that without fail he could depend on the lost boys. They were always ready for an adventure. Each of the lost boys had a special place with Peter. Adventures are not nearly as much fun when you don't have someone to share it with. He never admitted such a thing, but it is obvious he was hurt when they decided to leave with Wendy. “To show that her departure would leave him unmoved, he skipped up and down the room, playing gaily on his heartless pipes”. Each of the lost boys had a responsibility to themselves and their futures. It was Wendy’s influence that let Peter accept the decision made by his boys.
"He skipped about and made funny faces, but when, he stopped it was just as if she were inside him, knocking". Wendy had awoken something in Peter that he couldn’t ignore, even when he tried too. Although Peter wanted to prevent Wendy and the lost boys from leaving him, he knew he couldn't. But by going with Wendy the lost boys were abandoning Peter. Wendy was abandoning Peter. He knew that he had to let them go, but he also knew that his life would never be the same.
My Neverland once was great. Much like Peter Pans Neverland. I had my lost boys (more like pirates than lost boys. Pirates aren't always evil) to join me on my adventures, and I had my Wendy's. There were mermaids and fairies, Indians and cowboys (I realize Pans Neverland didn't have cowboys, but mine does). It was a place of wonder and excitement. Then one day it changed.
My lost boys decided to grow up. They are making the changes in their lives that will lead them to respectable roles in the community. A lot of people have a responsibility to themselves and their futures to leave their Neverland. To leave and grow up. Just like the lost boys had to leave, just like my friends need to leave.
Generally it is assumed that Neverland is a place to hide from responsibility. For some people that is exactly what Neverland entails. But I feel and know that I have a responsibility to find and remain in Neverland. My Neverland is not a place to hide from responsibility. I can't float through life using other people to support me. I know that I need to support myself. I also understand that when I get a family I am responsible for providing for them. But I also know that if I don't find my Neverland and live there, my purpose in life is dead. I have a responsibility to my dreams and imagination. I won't forgo my Neverland. If I do I'll be worthless to the world and myself.
Something inside of me is knocking. So I say goodbye to my lost boys and hope that growing up is an adventure they shall enjoy. Like Peter I'll return to my Neverland, but it will never be the same.

The Adventures of Yonvich and Goulaf (The biggest flower in the history of mankind is visited by the brothers)

"Goulaf this is a big flower," Yonvich declared as he starred into the depths of an enormous flower.
"Yes indeed it is. I can just picture myself bathing in such a large blossom," Goulaf replied as he scrunched his face in imagination.
"Well Goulaf, this has been an adventure. What do we visit next?" Yonvich asked.
Goulaf's eyes twinkled as he said, "Yonvich my brother, we shall travel two and one half hours North to the land of York. I would very much like it if we travelled to the homeland of the brilliant peppermint York".
With that the two brothers turned from the worlds largest flower and marched back the way they had come.

Recognizance

a Dangerous Story greets him
attentively,
Redness Has united, “ fight the English?”
Risked station, small,
speaks improvement.

AND with care, buy that of equality
A seasons blushing torrent,
like God Twisting Water.
Blocking Here The Doors of Dangerous Peasants
never a stream against
the downpours of the English.

I’d rather be the son of that cave.
Salty against the purchase,
Empty from the market.

Yet a Parcel of worship,
Itself Empty of a purchase
does unite me.

A collapse of History salutes carefully.
Are we capable of congratulations?
Aye, my Knickers are in a Grateful bunch.

Malignation

In a crowd,
drowning out the slightest
sound.
I've become a bitter, resentful mound.
Maturing flesh
marinating in a perturbent mess.
Enclosed by customs seen,
but not yet met.
My heart resides
yet does not rise.

Holiday

This week we went on a Holiday. First we went to Scotland. Although there were many memories made and a few lost in Edinburgh I am going to focus on York. After two whole days in Scotland we left by train to stay in York, England.

Because of cheaper prices our train arrived early in the morning. We walked to our hostel and dropped off our bags. Then we walked the twenty or so minutes into the York city center. Kaleb and I found ourselves in the company of a few young women from our program. (Not imposters, dating isn't allowed). We had an enjoyable morning galavanting about with these young women. Then they decided that they wanted to visit a church meeting in the York Minster. (minster means church). Kaleb and opted not to commune with god, instead we went in search of toilets. But not before we made plans to meet up with the women folk at a store. Needless to say we were abandoned. So for the rest of the day Kaleb and I roamed around York with a few things in mind. Firstly we didn't want to get shanked (stabbed by a local and left in the gutter). Secondly find someone or anyone from our group. Thirdly find something to eat. We only succeeded in one of our goals. Luckily we didn't get shanked. And the rest of our adventure will remain unknown because of a few reasons. I hope I wetted your appetite and now I'm leaving you wanting a meat pie.

Good bye.

The Adventures of Yonvich and Goulaf (A tree)

"Ahoy Yonvich," said Goulaf.
"What Goulaf?" Yonvich asked.
"That tree beckons to me,"Goulaf replied pointing to a twisting gnarly tree. "I think I need to climb it".
"Alright let us climb that tree," Yonvich proclaimed.
The brothers ran to the tree. Back in the homeland tree climbing was Goulaf's favorite activity. But never before had he seen such a magnificent, or challenging climb as this tree offered. The first branches were growing about ten feet above the ground. The only way they could climb up was if they used the tree to propell their bodies into the air to grab the lowest branch. As they neared Goulaf picked his footing and lunged. As his foot came in contact with the tree it slipped sending him slamming into the trunk. Mean while Yonvich had circled the tree to start his ascent from the other side. He planted his right foot onto the tree and flung is body upward. Yonvich grabbed the branch with one hand, but it slipped off. He tumbled down landing awkwardly on the roots.
"Goulaf? Are you alive?" asked Yonvich.
"Ehh, I'm alive," groaned Goulaf.
Too stubborn to be beat on the first try, the brothers circled the tree looking for a way up.
"Goulaf, we should climb here," Yonvich said, pointing at a branch hanging slightly lower than the others.
For a moment Goulaf starred at the tree then he replied, " Yes that looks like the spot".
Yonvich ran at the tree and with one leap he propelled himself from the the trunk into the air. His outstretched body flew upwards. He managed to grab the branch with both hands and pull himself upwards. Goulaf followed his brothers example.
"Yes this is a very good climb," Goulaf said as the brothers swung through the branchs.
"Oio, Yonvich get out of the tree," Goulaf yelled. "There are bees".
Both Yonvich and Goulaf jumped from the tree. The smashed to the ground with a thud.
"Goulaf I hate bees," Yonvich said as the brothers continued up the path towards the worlds largest flower. Behind them a swarm of bees buzzed around a magnificent climbing tree.

The Adventures of Yonvich and Goulaf (begin)

Under threatening clouds, stood two brothers, waiting to get into Kew Gardens.

"Yonvich, why are we here?" Goulaf asked.
"Goulaf we are here to see the worlds largest blooming flower," Yonvich replied.
"Why do we want to see a flower?" Goulaf asked.
"So we can say we have seen the worlds largest flower," Yonvich replied.
"Next please," said the teller.
"We would like to see the worlds biggest flower please," Goulaf said.
"14 pounds ," the teller said in response.
Grabbing their tickets they walked through the gate and into the Gardens. In their home country of Bochlovachia nothing was ever as green or beautiful as Kew gardens. There were enormous trees of every kind, growing so high the tops were hidden in the clouds. The grass was so thick you could lay down without leaving an imprint. It was a paradise that the brothers had never experienced before.
"Yonvich! Yonvich! What strange world is this?" Goulaf asked.
There was no response. Goulaf turned to look at his brother. Yonvich stood like a marble statue,with his mouth half open a trail of spittle seeping from the corner of it. Goulaf marched over to his brother and smacked his face.
"Yonvich are you okay?" Goulaf asked.
Rubbing his face Yonvich replied, "I'm fine, the gardens just surprised me".

T0 be continued:

Plaque

Ancient streets
Sore feet
Baaaaaaaaaaa
Waaa wa wa waaaaa
Rustling leaves
Whispering trees
Baaaaaaaaaaa
Waaa wa wa Waaaaa
slow
down
please
Baaaaaaaaaaa
waaa wa wa waaaaa
they have showers,
a very nice set up
Baaaaaaaaaaa
waaa wa wa waaaaa

Music in my mind

Music fills my mind. Over and over it plays, bursting my brain with it's unholy concoctions. I wish it would stop. STOP. STOP. STOP. Images and colors swirl around, awkwardly trying to dance to the murderous melody. It is a disease that rides my mind. It rides my mind all the time.

Huggermugger

I sit here wondering why? Why do I have secrets? Why does anyone have secrets? Why is it so hard to share secrets? Every once in a while one of my secrets will slip out. People stare at me when that happens. Tonight one of my secrets slipped between my lips. She asked if I was joking. I immediately wished I was. I decided my secrets are the part of me that I'm afraid to show to the world. They are the things about me that the world might disapprove of. I just wish it didn't always hurt so much to hold them inside. I wish I could let go and show myself to the world, but I can't. My secrets keep me moving when nothing else will. Secrets are painful but they give me a way out. They allow me to pretend to the world; a world that is unforgiving, a world that doesn't really care about who I am or who I'm trying to be. My lips are locked. I guess that is why.

Hazardous Navigating

My jaunt in London England has begun. I've been here for about five days now. It is pretty amazing how much has already happened. I've picked up a couple of reputations, on of which is getting people lost. Another is not stopping to take pictures. To go along with those I've also heard that I abandon people when we walk. If you ask me it is their fault they aren't keeping up. It is their fault they trusted me to guide them (my navigation skills are great, people just don't appreciate the novelty of being lost). It is their fault that I don't usually have a camera to take pictures of everything touristy. (I've started taking a camera with me so that I can stop and take pictures too, the only difference is the content of my pictures). One thing people can plan on when they go anywhere with me is that I will have an adventure. And that is why I can enjoy myself in London. Life is about adventure, and my life is a constant adventure. Just yesterday I led a friend onto the wrong train. We got stuck at the next stop trying to make it back. After a lifetime of waiting we finally jumped onto another train. I didn't say every adventure was huge. I've had a great time so far. I can hear London calling me right now. It whispers in my ear of adventures waiting to be experienced. For now I'll whisper back, but eventually I'll embrace them again. And when I do I will be thinking of how awful it must be not being lost in London with me.