Cognomen

Sometimes I forget my name. It seems so ordinary. It doesn't feel special. If I ask a stranger on the street who I am, they won't know my name. So why should I care about my name? My name is my link to my ancestors. My last name comes from my fathers family. They were from Russia. My middle name is my mom's father's name. My first name is my own. My name means a lot. Not to a stranger on the street, but to me. Sometimes I forget my name, but that is when I forget who I am. My name is my future, past, and present. It is up to me to uphold my families honor. It is up to me to uphold my own honor.

Transmogrification

The semester has ended. I'm free from school. My job has ended. I'm free from work. Now I'm waiting, knowing that my life is changing. I can feel it pulling on my soul. It speaks softly about my future. I'm waiting nervously for it to come. It feels like I'm about to start a race.

Every muscle in my body tenses. My throat is dry and my tongue is numb. The call has come, I'm mounting my blocks. My thighs quiver, anticipating the shock. I'm waiting for the gun to sound. I know that it is near, but it brings eternal fear. The unknown looks me in the face and tells me that I can't possibly win. But I know that I will have lost if I don't burst from my blocks.

I know that I can't stop. I have to face my life and decide what will become of me. But is scares me to know that I might fail.

Broken!

Well I finally broke my streak. If everything works out I'll have a lunch date for Friday. I think I finally received a yes because of the way I asked. Instead of calling, asking in person, or facebook, I decided to take the time to write a letter. It is amazing how much some people enjoy receiving letters. I'm almost positive that if it wasn't a letter I would have been told no. Encouraged by my unfounded creativity she even replied creatively. It reminds me of high school. I kind of miss the times that my friends and I would try and come up with really creative ways to ask out on dates. Since I've been in college our creativity has floundered. So has my dating. I think from now on I'm going to ask out creatively.

A Real Man

Yesterday I helped out my friend with a bunch of yard work. It was a little strange for me to be so willing to help him, growing up I hated yard work. But I was helping a friend, plus I was going to be able to use a chainsaw. I guess it was mainly for the chainsaw. We went to pick up the chainsaw. The owner was a single lady and the chain was off the saw. Neither of us had used a chainsaw before, so we didn't know how to put the chain on. We asked if we could take it to a hardware store to have someone put it on. She scoffed at us. Then she said, "you don't need to take it in. You can walk up to almost any man in the neighborhood and they'll know how to put it on". We realized then, that neither of us were real men. We had no idea how to put a chain on a chainsaw. Luckily there was a real man living next door to this lady. He generously helped us get the chain on and then demonstrated how to use the saw. Eventually we had both used the saw. Then the chain came off. Deciding I wanted to test my manhood, I put the chain back on myself. It worked. I can use a chainsaw and put a chain onto the saw. So now I can truly say I am a real man.

Finding Freedom

Last Saturday we took a day trip to Sanpete County in the State of Utah. We were on a mission. Clarese had seen a town called Freedom on a map, it was wedged between two other towns called Jerusalem and Wales. We decided we needed to visit Freedom. Freedom just happened to be in Sanpete County. It was quite the adventure. Freedom was so small we drove right by it without noticing. After being lost for some time, we finally stopped for directions at the Burger Bar in Fountain Green. A kind old lady, wearing a Jazz hat, gave us directions. Soon afterwards we found ourselves in Wales. The only thing in Wales was a bunch of houses. There was no city center of any kind. The only indication we were even in Wales was the sign situated 50 yards before the houses. Deciding we had experienced enough of Wales we moved on. We found Freedom next. Surprisingly Freedom was even smaller than Wales. Almost the entire populace of Freedom was found in a Cemetery.The only thing in Freedom was the cemetery and a turkey farm. We stopped, took some pictures and moved on to Jerusalem. True to form, Jerusalem was even smaller. Actually I don't know if you can really call it smaller. The only thing we found in Jerusalem was a dead end. While we were in Freedom we picked up a packet from the cemetery. The packet had the entire history of Freedom. Originally Freedom was called Draper. But when the town wanted a post office the state made them change their name. (There was already a Draper Ut, just south of Salt Lake). So the Draper brothers (the populace of Draper) decided to call their town Freedom. They called it Freedom because they felt free. And they wanted to always be able to do what they wanted. The packet of information turned out to be pretty neat. It had some excellent descriptions of Freedom. At one point they described it as "the garden of Eden". At one point there were almost two hundred residents in Freedom. That was during the polygamy days. After polygamy died out, so did most of the residents. Those that didn't die, moved away. One day I want to find my Freedom. Hopefully it will be my little "garden of Eden".

I know how the earth was created.
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago the earth was a huge jawbreaker. One day God decided that he wanted to eat it. So he stuck it in his mouth and began to suck. He sucked and he sucked, but like all jaw-breakers it changed very slowly. So God just kept sucking. Frustrated by the slow progress he took it from his mouth and glared his wrath upon it. Then a sudden understanding came to him. He realized he was looking at a most precious piece of art. His jawbreaker had transformed into a miraculous, half eaten, masterpiece. "I will name you Terra Firma, for you are exceedingly hard to change," he said. He licked it and stuck it into space. Then he proceeded to create the other planets in our galaxy. But the earth was his first so he saved something special for it. He sent his children to live their mortal lives on the surface of the Terra Firma or Ridiculously hard jawbreaker as I like to call it.

If you want to know how he created the oceans just think about how you change a jawbreaker.

Flying

I dream of flying.
Mostly it is gliding.
This sailing through the air,
leaves me without any care.
I'll swoop and swirl
droop and curl.

Then birds jealous of my jaunt
will ask, "what do you try?"
"I am flying," I will shout. "I am flying without any doubt".
They reply, "eventually you will fall. First you will stall, then you will fall, fall, fall".

Looking down, I see the ground.
My lungs compress.
My stomach rises through my chest.

Alone I'll lie, fallen from the sky,
trying not to cry.
My broken wings lie nearby
encrusted,
encrusted with my alibi.

Classic Skating

Last night I became retro. Well Sort of. I went to Classic Skating. My sister and I are watching a 14 year old boy for some family friends while they are out of the country. Jenny was going to hang with him last night. Therefore I planned on seeing a movie with some friends. After work I called Jenny and she was feeling awful. Not only that, but the boy had dragged her to a school party at classic skating. After debating with myself (it felt like hours, but was only minutes) I called my friends and canceled. Ten minutes later I found myself at the doors of classic skating. They made me pay (there goes my movie money). It didn't take long to find my sister. She was huddled at a table trying to read a book. I told her she could leave, but had to leave the book. She said the book was awful and I really wouldn't want to read it. (Maybe that is why she was feeling sick. Don't you feel sick when you read a terrible book?) Just as she was leaving she informed me that I didn't have to pay if I wasn't skating. With her final words I was left in a throng of Children. I decided I didn't want to waste my money. Grabbing some skates I strapped them on and headed for the floor. Holy Crap, I hadn't gone skating since Jr. High and I was awful. I skidded too and fro, i felt really awkward. Then the people running things decided I was having too much fun. They began to play a game. The object of the game was to fall down when the music stopped. Needless to say, I was pretty good at the falling down. Unfortunately the music usually hadn't stopped. After a little while the game ended and I was back to my adventure of trying to stay standing. Eventually I got the hang of it. I began thinking that I should become a pro. then came the next game. This one they called blackout. Supposedly they turned off all the lights and had everyone skate in the dark. Either being ridiculously brave or horrendously stupid I stayed on the skating floor. As most of the lights went out a few remained on. Their blackout was a fraud. I actually found myself feeling relieved until the lights started flashing. The head honcho had decided skating in the semi-dark wasn't enough. He had turned on the strobe lights. Between my seizures and trying to avoid little kids cutting me off, I think I had fun. Maybe. Anyways after an hour of skating around I decided it was time for me to leave.