Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Why Dost Thou Tormentest Me?

My guts tumble and roil about. They tie themselves in a knot. Not an ordinary square knot, nor the fantastic figure 8 knot. This is a ridiculously complex knot. In fact you couldn't call it one knot. No, this is a knot upon knot upon knot, type of knot. For simplicities sake let us call this a rats nest knot. My guts tie themselves into this huge rats nest knot. Along with the knot comes a queesy green feeling. Almost as if the rat that made a knot of my stomach decided to interweave rotting garbage between the strands of gut. A chunk of dripping diaper, a diabolic smelling sandwich, a gangrene cat. Dizziness threatens to overwhelm me. My eyes glaze, my tongue becomes a thick slab of meat stuck between my teeth. This is a crime. I try not to dwell, but my gut continues to swell. Heave, "OH NO!", Heave, "NOT NOW!", Heave.

My leg vibrates, Nay, it grates. From my pocket I pull my little telephone. 1 text it reads. Here we go. All the pain, the waiting, the nausea, the end is here, one way or the other the verdict will be known.
"Hey" it began. "I can't today". My rising gut fell. "But maybe another day". okay.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

i'm a little bit offended i'm not on your blog list.

just sayin.

p.s. find yourself a date. mike and i are geared up for a little tennis! (u.s. open style)

Annie said...

These are the automatically generated ads under your post:

Tons of cable/wire ties

Tie Square Knot

Info on Leg Pain

Dr. EMU's Stop Pain Now

Phew! Thanks, Google, for keeping me informed about the products I need that are completely unrelated to Zac's blog post! What kind of life would I have without you?

Annie said...

I promise I won't keep doing this indefinitely, but there were two more funny ads under your post today:

Health.com: Sleeping: Top Site for Sleep Disorder Pain.
I didn't know sleep problems were so painful!

Tying Tie. Everything to do with Tying items.
Well that about sums it up I suppose.