Pajama Parta!!!!!!

Hidden Drugs

Lately, well ever since elementary school, I have heard that you should never eat weird candy. Whether it was offered by a stranger or if it was found in a random corner I was told to not eat it. "Zac", they said, "If you eat that candy something very bad will happen".

Today during Sunday school, Kaleb aka K-shizzle, Jenny aka J-sista found a box of mints. Deciding that they wanted the mints they took them and ate some of them. I tried to tell them that strange candy found in a strange room in the "Depths of Hell" isn't good to eat. They wouldn't listen. Over and over they tried to make me try one. "Everybody is doing it" they said. Well I refused. I wouldn't succumb. But they continued to eat them. I warned them again and again that they shouldn't eat them, but it was too late, they were addicted. Finally I convinced Jenny to hand me the box of mints. I knew I couldn't let them continue to eat the mints, but I didn't know what to do. That's when I decided I needed to sacrifice myself for my brother and sister. Before they could stop me I consumed somewhere between 20-40 mints. Not more than 5 minutes later I was looking at the mint box, when I saw it. The mints had an expiration date that read Nov. 5 2006. Needless to say I have a hard time remembering what ensued after the consumption. But I do say by sacrificing my taste buds and smell for the next two weeks, I saved the lives of my siblings.

Island Caretaker

Tonight I had a friend inform me of an amazing job. In Australia there is a job opening to become a caretaker of an island. The position lasts for six months and the salary is about $100,000. I think I could do that. Along the same lines I was wondering if I would survive on a deserted island. When I say deserted I mean an island lacking in humans. I decided I probably could. And if I could take ten items I would take: 1 machete, 1 wool blanket, 1 tarp, 1 rope, 1 spool of 10Lb fishing string, 1 pair of chacos, and 4 rolls of duct tape. I'm pretty sure I could survive off of that. One of these days I'll need to give it a try.

Fall Love Signs

Today I happened upon a gem. I was at Allens grocery store checking out, when I saw it. It was a little book called Fall Love Signs. I felt an overwhelming urge to spend the dollar to get help with my love life. This is what it said about me.

"Scorpio's smoldering sensuality is a magnet for many, and few can resist your sign's intensity. However, only those who know you well discover your somewhat hidden side, a sensitivity that reaches the depths of your Pluto-ruled soul". So far it is all true.
"This passionate planet is one of ultimate devotion, but it also can spark possessiveness and jealousy. With Neptune guiding your love life through Pisces, you're a sentimental romantic who remembers every milestone from a first kiss to an anniversary".
This next part is my favorite.
" You also know instinctively how to charm a date and effortlessly choose just the right setting for romance". I'd really like to meet that part of myself.

"When you're ready to settle down, you commit heart and soul to the one you love with all the affection of Venus-ruled Taurus, your partnership sign, sensible and sensual. For you, love truly is for a lifetime. fall brings many opportunities to meet people and launch a romantic liaison, especially during the second solar period when three planets are in your sign".

Well it is quite an interesting forecast if you ask me. Mostly the part about knowing how to charm and date effortlessly. I would have to say I can see the perfect moments, but it is completely different acting on them. Anyways, that is my love forecast for last fall (the downfall of buying at Allens, most things are expired).

Change

I've found that my life is full of growth spurts. Most of the time nothing happens. Occasionally, for a short period of time, a lot happens. I can feel it coming. The feeling is similar to a brewing storm. Some innate unexplainable force tells you of the approaching static forces. Maybe it is a slight tingle in the toe, or a simple thought that pierces deep. Either way I can feel it coming. It all started on December 27, 2008. That was the day I was to return home from the Sydney Australia South mission. Well that was the day I would have returned home. Instead I never really left. Ever since that day there has been a kind of static energy forming. It is as if I have been walking on thick carpet wearing wool socks. The pressure is building and I can feel change in the air. First, many close friends found significant others. I found myself spending more and more time alone. Just when I felt like it would be unbearable, I was invited by a professor to go to France. I accepted, but now I have to study and work harder in school than I have ever done. In a few months many of my closest friends return from their missions. I feel like the last two years were mostly stagnant. Ever since that fateful day in December my life has charged forward, bringing change with it. It isn't bad, in fact it feels relieving. Yet I still find myself scared that I will be swept away and lost. I've realized that I can't fight it, even if it is scary. I just have to try and surf the wave until it crashes on the beach.In the words of my father, "the stars are aligning".

Semitruck From Hell

The other day I was driving on the freeway towards Salt Lake City Utah. I was minding my own business, singing along to the killers song "All these things I've done", when I had an eerie feeling creep from the tips of my toes, all the way past my nose. Looking in the my rear view mirror I saw him. The semi was flying up from behind. Unfortunately I had nowhere to move. Within seconds the semi was tailgating me like a fly stuck to a wall.
"Get off my Butt", I yelled out loud. Unfortunately the trucker couldn't hear me over the roar of his engine. He continued to tailgate me. Eventually a spot in the lane next me opened up. I decided to move over so this jerk of a trucker could pass. For some strange reason (maybe he was blind, it would explain a lot) the semi didn't move past. Instead he merged into my lane again, to continue his favorite past time, tailgating innocent drivers. Biting back my anger I decided to wait it out. It couldn't continue forever right? Wrong. After a few more minutes of getting tailgated, I decided to change back to my original lane. Being the trucker from Hell, he decided to change lanes as well. There was no escaping his grasp. If I sped up, he sped up. If I slowed down, he slowed down. If I moved over, he moved over. I knew my death was imminent. My short life, that had so much more that needed to be accomplished, started to replay itself. Just before I rolled over and died, a bump in the road shook me from my comatose state. I had to live! I had way too much I still had to accomplish in life. With that thought, I decided to try and let him pass again. As I moved over the truck began to speed up. I did it. Relief swept through my body. When he pulled alongside of me I yelled, "good riddance you jerk". To my horror the trucker must have heard me. His forward velocity stalled. He was now blocking the lane next to me. That is when I realized his plan. It is my belief that when he saw that I might escape his wrath, he used his radio to call in back up. He blocked the lane to my left, and another semi blocked the lane in front of me. I was boxed in. I could only imagine the look of triumph on this devil truckers face. It must have been so smug. I think it was the smugness on his face (I may have imagined it, but it seemed real enough) that got to me. I was not going to give up. I would escape and I'd shove it in his face when I did it. First I sped up. Both he and his compatriot sped up with me. The bait was set, any minute now he would try and end it all. Checking to make sure the traffic behind was far enough away, I hit the breaks. If I had hit the breaks a second slower I never would have made it. Right as I hit my breaks the devil trucker merged over. He would have crushed my car, and my life. Fortunately he barely missed running me off the road. Looking at the back of his truck I noticed a little sticker. The sticker said, "I believe in safety first". Before the trucker could react to my brilliant escape, I switched lanes and accelerated past him and his compatriot.

Broken

For the last couple of years I have hidden away. I built a fortress of impenetrable walls, and hid inside. These walls gave me safety from a lot of things; at first they were a protection from disappointment. I started to build them the day I returned home from my mission. To this day I can remember the look of disappointment on the faces of my family when they picked me up from the MTC. The walls were a way for me to forget all the expectations that I had failed. They provided a way for me to move onwards in life. To a degree they worked. I was able to move on in many ways. As the years passed on, I've realized the walls protected from the pain, but they stopped me from progressing as far as I wanted in life. I found that I couldn't have an intimate relationship with anybody. My walls barred the path of unwanted disappointment. But in order to have a meaningful relationship, you need to be open with the other person and risk disappointment. I realized I had built myself a prison of loneliness. With the help of some of my closest friends I realized that I needed to break down my walls and try to face my fear. I needed to risk the pain and discomfort of being disappointed and the fear of disappointing others. If I didn't risk it, I would end up alone for the rest of my life. As easy as it may sound, my walls were not easy to bulldoze. Eventually, with the encouragement of my friends and family I escaped from prison. I broke my walls down enough that I could start caring again. It was quite amazing. It was the feeling of being in a dark, dank house for hours, and then opening the front door to a bright and beautiful day. Hope became my ally and I embraced it. In the end hope betrayed me. There was a girl of course (all good stories have a girl), and for a while I had the hope that I might actually have some sort of relationship with her. That hope was like a bubbly bouncing light that made every moment of my life better. But in the end I found out she didn't feel the same way as I did. To make it worse I know the guy she liked. He was a close friend of mine. In fact he is the closest friend I've ever had. I love him like a brother, which makes it that much harder to bear. I'm now stuck, my hope has been shattered by my brother. He didn't mean to hurt me, I know he didn't, but he did, and now I'm afraid that once again I'll hide and build a new wall.
I know not what to do. But I've found writing often helps me cope. so I wrote this post, not to offend or sway anyone to action, and definitely not to make anyone feel bad. I wrote this post so that the few people that read it and myself, know the cause of my frustrations and sadness. All I ask is that you bear with me as I fight to keep my walls from rebuilding.

Death and/or Glory

Since High School I have had the privilege of knowing some of the finest, and best friends a lad could have. Many people look at my friends and myself and believe us to be eccentric, crazy, and sometimes immature. My response to those people is, AMEN!. That would describe us. All that is needed are a few more definitions. Such as: Ultra-competitive, creative, strange, and belligerent. One of our self given names was, and is, the Provo Pirates. In the book Seafaring Lore & Legend by Peter D. Jeans, a definition of pirate is given: The Latin pirata is from the Greek peirates, peirao, attempt, assault- thus pirate, synonym for vice, cruelty and plunder, one who marauds and pillages. This would best describe us when we play games together, or when we compete. As a group or crew, we have had many wonderful adventures. Too many to really go into detail about.

Throughout these adventures my friends have taught me a lot. Foremost in my mind is that you never wave the white flag. Surrender is out of the question. Time and time again I find myself applying this lesson to my life. When I'm torn down from above, set upon by fiery monkeys, and beaten with a stick, I remember this line from a song by Dido, "I will go down with this ship. And I won't put my hands up and surrender. There will be no white flag above my door".

My rambunctious friends, that are often thought of as crazy, strange, and sometimes downright dangerous, taught me one of the most important lessons of my life. I will not surrender, I will go down with my ship, fighting to the very end.